jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize