i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
