There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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