he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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