Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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