I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
