I'm eating all of the evidence.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
