Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
