Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
