DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
