i wish peter jackson would direct porn
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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