go do what you do best...puke behind churches
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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