Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
The Olympian is in my bed
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
