I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
