I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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