Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
