It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize