I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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