Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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