I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
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