i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Randomize
