Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
