in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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