Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
