I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
