Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
