can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
