U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
