I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
