i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
My vagina just recognized that song.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
