You were right. It hurts to walk today.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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