There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
