Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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