if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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