8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
