So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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