He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize