Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
