there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
