Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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