I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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