dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I will be naked everywhere
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Someone stole a lamp last night.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
