Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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