Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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