im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
