And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
