Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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