woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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