i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
