dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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