Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
