doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
our cab driver is having phone sex.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
