Your dad touched me again.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize