Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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