Plan B is the new Plan A
worst night to have a conscience
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
