I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
