Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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