Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
