Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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