My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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