I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
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