Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
