I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
