Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
